grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
