You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
