Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
