I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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