If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
