He kissed a someone with a penis
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just blew my weed a kiss
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize