can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
