i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
