I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
