Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
