SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
