Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
