He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
