Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
