you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
