You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So vagazzling was a success
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
