His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
