Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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