I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
