Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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