connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
