seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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