I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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