The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
