he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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