There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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