all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
