there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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