Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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