allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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