There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
