i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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