It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
