Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
