Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
