yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
