Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
