i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
