I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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