First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
