Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
