Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
