so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I need to sanitize my soul.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
