I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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