What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
