She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
