I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
