I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
