She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
