We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
