i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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