I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
