i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
