i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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