I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
