Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
