mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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