Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
