i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
