This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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