he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
