i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
try to milk me bitch
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