Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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