Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Randomize
