Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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