You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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